Response to a Letter On Basic Issues in Yahadus (Judaism and Avodas Hashem)

My answers are in bold. The material is more or less self explanatory.

Shalom Harav Bechhofer Shlit''a

I have seen the profound divrei torah of the Rav on aish das and seeing the Rav's deep grasp on the fundamentals of yiddishkeit, I would like to ask a few questions that have been weighing on me for years. I have read a good amount of machshava and hashkafa but I feel that the Rav's deep grasp and way of thinking will afford him the abiity to answer these questions fully and thoroughly. I know the Rav is extremely busy and I don't know if the Rav will have time to respond, but if at any point it's possible, I would greatly appreciate the Rav's perspective.

1 the Rambam in hilchos teshuvah perek 7 halacha 6 and 7 uses extremely sharp terminology regarding what aveiros do to the the way someone is viewed by Hashem, (שנאוי) and how his subsequent mitzvos are valued. This is difficult for me to understand - it seems to be clear that one who does aveiros is hated by God.

As a colleague of mine noted to me, it is important to note that the word שנואה could be relative. This is clear from Bereishis 29:31:וַיַּ֤רְא ה֙' כִּֽי־שְׂנוּאָ֣ה לֵאָ֔ה וַיִּפְתַּ֖ח אֶת־רַחְמָ֑הּ וְרָחֵ֖ל עֲקָרָֽה  and can be construed from other places where the term is used as well. As that colleague noted to me, in this particular context the Rambam is trying to emphasize the extraordinary efficacy of teshuvah, and therefore is emphasizing that no matter how distant the sinner becomes, even to the extent that very strong categories of revulsion might apply to him, he can completely reverse them and be categorized in the strongest terms of approbation.

It is also interesting to consider the Rambam’s choice of terminology here, לפני המקום. One has to check other places where the Rambam uses this term – which, considering the Rambam’s aversion to any corporeal description of HKB”H is peculiar. I would suggest – again, pending research – that this term connotes a relationship to the Shechinah (which the Rambam mentions several times in both 6&7) – not to HKBH’s essence, and in that context the adjectives connoting a negative relationship become more appropriate. The Rambam believed – as becomes very clear from the writings of his son Rabbeinu Avraham – in meditative, even mystical, connections between Man and God, and that is affected by the relationship, which is perforce described with the appropriate adjectives לשבר את האוזן.

2 rabbeinu yonah in the beginning of shaarei teshuvah - when describing charatah - says that someones neshama becomes tamei through his aveiros. ( ונטמאה בגלולי יצרי ) What is the understanding of this? 

In Daf Yomi Yerushalmi we are the end of the third perek in Shakalim with the famous baraisa of Rabbi Pinchas Ben Yair on which the Mesillas Yesharim is based – including the middah of taharah. While the נשמה שנתת בי טהורה היא – as the Kabbalistic and Chassidic works all say, it is the levushim, the outer layers of the Neshama that are sullied – the metaphor is still a useful one. It is said that after Rav Herzog zt”l had his useless meeting with the Pope ימ"ש after World War II, he sped to the mikveh on account of the overwhelming tumah he had felt. Now, we may not be so holy as Rav Herzog, but tumah is something that Rabbeinu Yonah says should be sensed. It is not the same tumah as you find in Seder Taharos, but a sensitive soul should feel sullied by aveiros.

3 How should one approach the topic of gehinnom? the descriptions of the vilna gaon and the ramban in shaar hagemul, as well as that of the reishis chochma - would probably send almost all people today into depression or denial - being that ''ain tzadik ba'aretz'' - nobody is perfectly innocent and therefore gehinnom is inevitable - as the vilna gaon writes. I've seen seforim - and i have asked Gedolim who say ''dont focus on it - its counterproductive'' - but i think that some people remain bothered nonetheless - because if that's the truth and we'll have to endure that, no amount of ''don't focus on it'' will help. that's the human reality.

Every generation needs the metaphors that work for them. In the Middle Ages, fire and brimstone worked. Witness Dante’s Inferno (let me clarify that Christians may actually believe that the hellfires are real and the circles of hell are something like he describes – but we do not, notwithstanding the use of similar metaphors). Today, not so much. Rav Dessler zt”l in MME vol. 1 explains this very well, and cites Reb Yisroel Salanter zt”l who elaborates on how the metaphors can work for us as well. I don’t have the sefer in front of me (I am writing in an airplane on the way to a wedding) but It should be easy to find. As a colleague noted to me, even in the Rishonim, we find that the Ikkarim 4:33 says the fires of gehennom are those of shame.

4 Especially for someone who is emotionally oriented, how is it realistic for God to truly be the center of our lives when according to the rishonim its clear that we cannot possibly understand anything of God's essence - and since none of his ''hanhagos'' or descriptions are actually descriptive of God himself (like it says at the end of ''pasach eliyahu v'amar'') we can't even say that he ''is'' a meitiv - it's all (external) hanhagos.

We are not Chaiteans. The followers of Rabbi Yisroel Chait hold that ascribing emotions to HKBH is heretical. The Rambam you quoted from Hilchos Teshuvah clearly disagrees with that premise. Not because in atzmus there are no emotions. We can’t speak of atzmus, but we assume there are no emotions there. But HKBH created this interface in which we relate to Him emotionally – and He relates to us emotionally. Otherwise, we wouldn’t say things like אהבה רבה אהבתנו ה"א. And He certainly DOES want us to relate to his “hanhagos” as realities – מה הוא רחום וכו' – l’hetiv is very real.

Even more troubling is that God seems totally absent in the world and in our lives in many ways - he's to many a vague nebulous entity, and worst of all, HE DOESN'T TALK BACK, tefillah to me feels like a one way discussion and i dont understand how i can have a real ''relationship'' with a unknowable, unanswering, unresponsive God. just like in human relationships one needs -attunement responsiveness and mirroring in order to feel REAL and together with someone, so too with the relationship with God. If one can seriously question his existence, how real can he be to you. I dont know what ''receptors'' one needs in order to ''feel / sense'' God. I have read widely on Emunah, but i think for me it's really more of a psychological issue than an intellectual question. How is a invisible, unknowable God who I dont even know how to imagine Him (and everyone makes up what they want) who doesn't RESPOND and who i cant interact with any of my real world five senses meant to be real to me and someone with whom i have a relationship''? i don't know of anyone who has relationships like that. even the idea of hisbodedus is hard - i dont have the naivete and simple trusting innocence that i feel one needs to really embrace the breslov path - to be certain he is there and listening - I am too nervous and skeptical to be able to be in that mode.

Okay, I will not advise you to follow in the way of the Bnei Machashavah Tovah (the Piaczesner zt”l) who says if all else fails you can rely on the Ra’avad and image a form for HKBH in your mind. I will also not tell you to go to Uman or emulate Breslovers – even though that seems to really work for many of my talmidim. אשריהם וטוב להם! Rather I will respond to you as the half-Yekke half-Litvak emotional cripple that I am – while reiterating that there are pathways that work for spiritually-open people that do give them the experiences that you and I lack (and, we need to be candid, that perhaps it is because we don’t try enough).

I have never experienced a direct connection with HKBH. But I know the feeling of satisfaction that comes after learning through a sugya with geshmack, and the feeling of upliftment that comes after a particularly good davening. I know the sense of transcendence that can be experienced at the pinnacle of ne’ilah. I have felt the dveykus – not directly with HKBH! But with the mood of the music – that comes with a powerful niggun. And there are times – not every year, and not for long – that during a Purim Se’udah, or a Pesach Seder – and certainly when I am in a state of flow giving a really good shiur on Shavu’os night – that I feel the אשרינו מה טוב חלקנו. And through all this I know – and sense – that HKBH is behind all this, in the bechinah of הנה זה עומד אחר כתלנו. And, not so ironically, especially when I am so to speak “upset” at HKBH – I sense more than other times, that he is there, and I don’t and won’t understand, but it’s not given to us to understand. (That doesn’t make me feel better, but it’s not HKBH’s job to make me feel better…!) All that being said, one of my more spiritual colleagues would respond: “Our entire life is a conversation with Hashem. We just can’t translate well in broken Da’as. Emunah helps fill this gap.”  He has a point. It may not work for you and for me.

5 we must have ''ahavas hashem'' - coming off of the above i find that very difficult, God as far as I can see from the way the world and my life is, seems totally apathetic and ok with the world being a random place with no justice or sense, how can I love God when to me God means basically the sum total of my life experience (since its all from him)? not an intellectual question but a human one.

Ahavas Hashem is actually quite difficult for Misnagdim. I would leave it primarily for the Chassidic inclined among us. As I said earlier, אשריהם. The Sifrei Mussar don’t spend much time on Ahavah. Much, much more on Yirah. To the extent that you have talk of Ahavah, it is more the intellectual ahavah of Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah than the emotional ahavah of Hilchos Teshuvah. יראת הרוממות is a plenty high level, and the barriers between it and Ahavas Hashem tend to blur in any event – because Yiras HaRomemus generates Simchah. If you haven’t read B’Ikvos HaYirah (the essay, not the entire book), hop to it! The Hebrew is best, but you can always read Rabbi Hillel Goldberg’s translation. https://rygb.blogspot.com/2022/09/avraham-eliyahu-kaplans-be-ikvot-ha.html Loving other people – spouse, children, parents, friends, Am Yisroel – is also a derivative of Ahavas Hashem. The Hakdamah to Sha’arei Yosher is the guidebook to relating to others, and to love HKBH’s creatures is – at least to some extent – to love HKBH.

6 i am not a ''kalte litvak'' - i need - like many today - a judaism that speaks not to my intellect, which leaves me dry and empty, but to ME. sad to say but sometimes i feel like when i read the modern day literature on psychology and spirituality - the untethered soul, the way of integrity, dan siegel, i feel like this is speaking to ME more than many seforim - which don't seem to talk to my real daily real world actually lived experience at all!

The adherents to the new age psychospirituality seems to get to the END GOAL - happiness - more than frum ppl who are concerned with if the PROCESS is TRUE. 

קבל את האמת ממי שאמרה. Man’s Search for Meaning is more powerful than most Sifrei Mussar. So?  But the end goal is not Happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of Meaning, and that is the end goal. That’s Viktor Frankl straight up. I speak about this at length in my monograph on Judaism and Counseling, although more in the context of therapeutic methodology. https://www.academia.edu/8159365/Judaism_and_Counseling_part_1

BTW, a colleague recommends:

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Poems-God-Twelve-Compass/dp/0142196126/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2MXVK427GFTDO&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.vjmbSdHojexkxoQB5e2aQqsOALPLSmdILrBCL7NNvHhrF2iLuJX3Z52rwapq4ZKT8taydu5mZDx9yktcylTGI6fNRbjhkRLRVlBvKLjCGSkzqS8QRSUb7ikNdLTNxlE2UaN-ucI4ppdtTxsPjhFSrPAS4Ko_RnPvTiGF4HPWdLkIauz37hkEZA4pYQg0CQrjEz2YGs3Xhy_ltWSdBCBeng.jlThoIqvnpA5Rlwnl4HtqcGuBNYnDvddyfkL5VNzSx0&dib_tag=se&keywords=love+poems+from+god&qid=1757684257&sprefix=love+porms+from+god%2Caps%2C121&sr=8-1

Another colleague recommends: https://www.aishdas.org/10YemeiTeshuvah.pdf

it's hard. i want happiness. but i am numb to ''truth'' - its an abstract. but that's what yiddishkeit seems to be offering. the world offers (in a spritual - just not religious way) the end goal too - so it seems. it's not like the olden days where the ''velt'' is ''kefira'' and ''gashmiyus'' - not at all - these are brilliant people speaking to the real human lived experience and to human feelings - and they are very much spiritual!! (like reform - just w/o any rituals) - the challenge of the what i call the ''new atheism'' is ''spirituality without religion'' - it's not easy to dismiss - they are smart, speak to human emotions, and are spiritual and sometimes more ascetic than we are. this troubles me.

Perhaps these are all ''nefesh'' human needs and not specifically ''jewish'' neshama needs - and that's why ''chochma b'goyim taamin'' and psychology etc. can be of great help (as rav bentzion kokis said) - but that means that most of yiddishkeit is just leaving me dry and cold because i am living at a ''nefesh'' level and therefore the ''neshama'' oriented torah doesn't do anything for me - that is a hard pill to swallow. but maybe it's true. it certainly feels that way.

The thing is that the torah seems to be process oriented meaning it is concerned with TRUTH. People's operating systems nowadays are concerned with FEELING SOMETHING REAL. The goyim I referenced before don't care about truth - they care about getting to an end-goal. The Dalai Lama and people like him may not be TRUE, but I think some of them are happier than frum people because of this reason - they look for happiness, peace feelings etc., but we look for truth. the reality is that TRUTH and many seforim esp of rishonim is a cold thing. People dont want the truth. They want to feel real at peace connected etc - i dont think yiddishkeit - the way i approach it now - is showing me a route toward those things (or even that they are valued and understood as a human need thats more important to us than the abstract ''TRUTH'' or kirvas elokim - which we can't even begin to understand, let alone appreciate.)

When I put this issues to a colleague, this was the response. This from a person who was an atheist, not Jewish, and converted:

"Spirituality without religion" is nothing more than mankind placing itself at the middle and pinnacle of everything, and saying "Let's create something that makes sense to us". Isn't that Migdal Bavel? "Whatever we make up, we will take pride in and call ourselves intellectuals. Whatever fits our personal agenda, we will believe in. Whatever is hard to understand and requires effort, let us discard. Whatever feels good and allows us to be liked by the nations and not stand out, that's our religion now. Let's be spiritual in a way that feels fuzzy!"

This is atheism, just with a Jewish name and jargon slapped on top of it. It doesn't recognize anything beyond us. It doesn't acknowledge that human understanding is limited, and that Hashem's isn't. It's atheist humanist wearing a Magen David necklace to feel like they belong somewhere and that they are little bit special (but not too special, chas veshalom).

Rabbi Soloveitchik makes this point in an essay that is based on a talk he gave to teenagers about negi’ah. I am paraphrasing because I don’t have the essay handy. In Judaism we don’t care much if you’re happy. (Although Frankl would argue that true happiness is achieved by precisely what the Rav prescribes!) We are concerned that you be a hero. And heroism requires far more abstinence, and minimal indulgence. That is why we have far more מצוות לא תעשה than מצוות עשה. New-Ageism (I think that’s more of what you meant than “New Atheism is all about the Asei’s without the Lo Sa’aseh’s. Unlike the Rav, I would not negate the touchy-feely altogether. 😊 It has its place, perhaps many places (לפני המקום) and I am not enamored with the Kalte Litvaks who spend Hakofos learning on the sidelines. But it is important to remember the all-important Gra in Mishlei, כי מה שאם חי הוא לשבור המדה שלא שבר עד עתה…

I would be most grateful for any thoughts on the above issues. 

With great admiration and appreciation, and humble wishes for a ksiva vchasima tovah for the Rav and his family,

One colleague responded to the issues you raised: “Absolutely. Welcome to the lost sheep club. But become the Jew you look for in others. We’re out there.”